The Meltdown

I know, I know...it's been over 2 months since I've sat down to write a real post. So many things happening. It's been hard to find a few quiet moments to sit down and actually reflect and write. So to catch you up here's the summary. The Unserious Chekhov opened and closed. It was a great cast and I can say I learned a lot from that run and truly enjoyed working with all of them. Just as Chekhov closed I jumped into Twelfth Night rehearsals, found out that Friends Like These was accepted to the New York City Fringe Festival, agreed to stage manage a sketch show titled Patriotism Unleashed and a kid's musical, Super Sidekick. If you're counting that means that between now and the end of the summer I am involved in four major productions, five if you count Friends Like These Hollywood Fringe at the end of the month. And I didn't mention Boarding The Mothership, our 24 hour theatre event next Saturday or the Beer Pong fundraiser I'm organizing for July. I am one busy girl. Too busy honestly.

A friend asked me last night why I do this. I could give the "cop out" answers -- "Because I like to" or "Because I can't say no" Okay, well that last one is partially true, but the real answer, why I take on five shows at once, why I don't mind doing everything I do, the answer is that I do it because what I do in some small way gives my friends a chance to do what makes them happy. That's why I do what I do. That's what makes my job worth it, what pushes me to be better.

Don't be fooled, I'm in no way perfect, I have my moments. One came tonight, moments when I do question it all, what I'm doing. For me, these moments come during the most inconvenient times, usually during Tech week. Tonight at 10:36pm I found myself sitting in my car, realizing that the last time I had eaten was the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I made myself about 10 hours earlier. Then all the things I still needed to do, not just for Twelfth Night, but for all the other ones popped into my head inevitably the feelings of doubt and frustration quickly charge in after the to do list. My brain fought with itself, one side saying it's too much, you can't do it all, the other side pushing me forward, forcing me to find solutions. The two sides took a short timeout as I sat in my pulled over car and let the tears fall from my face, then the laughter set in and the fight in my head resumed, this time the doubting side gets quickly defeated by images of tonight's rehearsal, this cast, the set, the costumes, the other two casts I worked with today and the one I can't wait to get to know and then the conversation from last night came back to me, why do I do what I do. It's not because I enjoy the occasional meltdown in my car, it's because I am incredibly privileged and honored to know incredibly talented people and I get to help them create a world where they can truly shine and be happy.

So as I sat there and the tears turned to laughter I realized how lucky I am, perhaps a bit crazy at times and definitely overloaded and a bit overwhelmed, but all of that will pass, and when it does what I'll be left with are the incredible memories of this specific and incredible time in my life.

It's Been Too Long

I know it's probably been at least a month since I've written anything. There's too much to write right now. I'll need a bit of time, but for now all I have to say is the quote of my current Facebook status:

"this amazing life I have can't really be real, sometimes I'm afraid I'll wake up & discover its all a dream. If that's the truth I want to dream forever."

I hope I never forget that feeling!

I Should Be Sleeping

It's 12:40am in Los Angeles. I should be asleep. I really should be going to bed. So much is going on right now that sleep has become a precious commodity. Torrid Affaire closed two weekends ago, I can't thank Andrew and Jake for pushing me to direct enough and the cast was truly a fun and talented group of people. I will miss seeing them together each weekend.
The Unserious Chekhov is now in tech week. We open this coming Friday. It's been a show filled with surprises and challenges. We've had multiple cast changes and a limited (non existent) budget. Tonight we saw everything come together for the first time. I love when that happens, getting to see each little piece fit into the piece before and after it is truly a great experience. I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes in the next week.
We also turned two this week. That's right Theatre Unleashed has reached it's second birthday. Two years ago on April 1st we became an officially recognized company in the state of California. It incredible to see how far we've come, how much we've learned and what we've accomplished in those two years. Tomorrow we'll be celebrating with our fourth 24 hour theatre event, this one is Acting Our Age: The Terrible Two's. Should be a fun birthday celebration for all of us.

And now it is off to bed for me, to grab a few precious hours of sleep before I go and celebrate TU's success with several of my favorite people.

Good Night Los Angeles!

The List

I have a list. It's a mental list, it's not actually written down, but it is a list none the less. It's a list of names and faces. It's a list you don't want to find yourself on! It's not a long list and the honor of being placed on that list requires a lot of work. This list contains the names of people, mainly actors, that I will never work with again, will never recommend to anyone and depending on the severity of their crime may go out of my way to tell other people not to work with them. I know that sounds a bit harsh and perhaps it is. But I'm a very patient person and it really takes a lot for an actor to find his or her way onto my list. Once you do though I'm afraid there is no amount of smiles, gifts, kind words, or compliments that will get your name crossed off the list. If you disappoint me, if you disappoint others, if you intentially make a decision that sacrifices a production you will be on my list forever.

Now I'm a reasonable person, if your reasons are good, things like family and health they always come first, no one should ever put a production ahead of their families or medical issues, ever. I will be the first one to tell you that we'll be okay, please go and take care of what needs to be handled and we will welcome you back when you can come back.

I really do have a ton of patience. I used to teach kindergartners and a long time ago I realized that actors are like kindergartners. I say this out of the utmost love and respect. (I should say that 98% of my closest friends are actors and I wouldn't trade them for anyone else in the world.) Here are the parrellels:


You often need to ask both Kindergartners and Actors to pick up and put away their toys or props.

You need to reinforce the ideas of inside/outside voices or stage/normal voices.

You find yourself bandaging cuts knees and cleaning out wounds for both groups.

You need to tell both Kindergartners and Actorswhen to arrive, when to leave, when to go to the bathroom.

And there are moments when they return from the bathroom when you want to ask them if they've washed their hands.


Both groups need and thrive on a lot of love. They both have a lot of love to give, they are insanely creative and slightly eccentric. This is why I love them. They have this wonderful ability to make me laugh, show me that life goes on and will be alright. They are remarkably supportive and genuine. My kindergartners that I used to teach and the actors that I have the honor of working with and being friends with continually enrich my life and I am a better person for knowing them.


So when one of them does something that disappoints me, it is not something I take lightly. When you make a decision based on a whim in your head and that decision hurts a cast, company or a production you, my friend, you will find yourself at the very top of my list.


I have a few things I can promise you will recieve just for being on my list:


1. The guarantee that you will never be cast in a production that I am directing, stage managing or production managing.

2. I solomenly promise that the next time someone asks me for a recommendation for a role that you might be absolutely perfect for, your name and face will flash through my brain and I will smile, look at the person and say, "um..no I really can't think of anyone."

3. I can also assure that if someone asks me about you, I will without guilt, tell them what you did that made you end up on my list.

4. Finally you should know that in any future encounters we may have I will be cold but professional, we will not hug and catch up, I reserve those activities for people not on this small but very important list.


I do not put anyone on this list on a whim. You will never leave the list. So please think about your actions, think about the consequences and don't make me add you to my list.

Happiness In A Jar!

There are moments in life when you get to experience pure happiness. Sometimes it's a fleeting moment and other times in lingers. For me I can usually find it when I get the chance to put my ipod on and go for a walk to the park near my house. There is usually a moment when I find myself almost giggling at absolutely nothing, at that same moment there is this overwhelming sense of calm inside me as if my mind, my body and my spirit are all coming together to remind me to enjoy this and that everything is and will continue to be alright. Those moments are a bit like a drug, once you get them you want more of them. I find myself trying to find more opportunities for them to happen, but you can't force them to happen. Forced spontaneous happiness just isn't quite the same thing! Please don't think I'm not happy most of the time, I am, quite happy, but these moments I'm talking about are the completely care-free, no other thoughts in my head, moments of freedom. They are glorious.

Once they have passed and I'm left in the after glow of a spurt of uncontrollable happiness I'm usually left to think about what caused it. Was there something particular in my life that spurred on that moment on that particular day? To my growing surprise the answer is normally no, in fact most of the time they come unexpectedly on quite ordinary and normal days. They come as reminders to me to look for opportunities, to take risks, they serve as reassurances that at the age of thirty something maybe I've started to understand just a tiny, minuscule portion of my place in the universe and that the roads I've chosen and the doors I've opened are the right ones.

I wish it was something I could share with people, bottle it up and give it away, "Uncontrollable Happiness" in a jar. Guaranteed to make you smile, push you forward and give you a warm fuzzy feeling!

What do a dialogue between the moon and the sun, a man talking to a gun in a frozen russian post station, a live volcano, references to vodka and drunk peasants stuck in an inn over night have in common? -- They are all bundled together in the works known as The Comedies of Chekhov. And it is my good fortune to be directing two out of the five of them for Theatre Unleashed's next main stage show.

I have to admit a bit of panic at first. I read the scripts and then I re-read the scripts and then I think I read them once more and then I thought to myself what in the world am I going to do with them. I went into my first rehearsals completely unprepared, I had nothing, no inspiration, no ideas, just sheer panic. And then a magical thing started to happen, I let my actors give voice to their characters, the words that I had been reading on the pages suddenly came to life and I could see it unfolding before me. As they read blocking ideas, comedic timing plays all begin to emerge, in my head the panic gave way to excitement.

This is why I love actors, they can take something that on a page may seem a bit dry, a bit dull and they have an innate ability to bring it to life even during a reading of the play.

While Chekhov goes into rehearsals Torrid Affaire continues its run for another three weeks. Audiences have been good and people seem to be enjoying themselves. I still get nervous when people I know come to see it. Each time I want to remind them I'm new at this, this was my first attempt, please don't judge me to harshly. And yet each time they come out with compliments, I owe that mostly to the writing of the piece and to the actors on the stage. Those two components made it very easy to direct it!

I am truly fortunate to be a new directing with one play up and another in rehearsal. This is a journey I never dreamed I'd be on and yet here I am. Amazing :)

Embracing Life

Torrid Affaire opened this past weekend. Opening night was nearly sold out, it was incredible. The amount of love and support this show and I have received is truly amazing. I've said this before on this blog but it's worth saying again, I do really believe that I have a charmed and magical life here. It's something I probably dreamed about as a kid, not this exactly, but something similar. Surrounded by friends, doing something you love doing, in general being in love with life. And at this moment I truly am in love with life!

It's taken me a while to say that and the road to get there has definitely not always been smooth, but now that I've found that place I want to cling to it and never let it go. I don't plan on seeing it leave anytime soon, but I've discovered that pure contentment can be elusive and it doesn't always come in the form you think it will come in. I've learned you have to search for it, dig it out and then truly revel it in it. I'm beginning to see that the more you embrace happiness and contentedness the longer it stays and the easier it is to find again.

Everything I have here in LA, my roommates, my incredible friends, my jobs (both paying and non-paying), my adorable kittens, the creative outlets, all this has fallen into place as I settle into my early thirties. I have embraced this life and it has embraced me. It's an incredible feeling.

I received my first directing review this week. It was filled with exclamation points and while the grammar may not be the best it was kind and complementary. I'm posting it below so there will be a record of it somewhere. It won't be the last review with my name attached as director.

While I'm not giving up stage and production managing I have absolutely fallen hard for directing. When I was acting back in December I never felt "it." I kept waiting for the excitement, the "thing" whatever it is that actors crave, that makes them want to go out on stage every night. I never really understood it until now. Acting didn't do it for me, but directing does, I finally know what the "it" is!

Torrid Affaire Review:

Theatre Unleashed presents Andrew Moore's comedy TORRID AFFAIRE, a rather playful romp about a group of five women as they gather together to torment one another as they face their own personal selves.
The setting is a rather shabby yet comfortable living space. A group of five twenty-something women meet for a "Torrd Affaire" party. This sort of party is related to a Tupperware event. However, the products shown are not meant to hold leftovers. These products are more of a sensual nature that range from body oils, scented candles, outerwear, and even battery operated "toys" one can't find at Toys R Us! As the leader of this group offers what's available, every one of these woman reveal a few secrets! Among the tales and stories that are told, this little evening comes out toward its end--and perhaps with a few of these personal devices falling into the hands (among other places) of these ladies!
This play is very funny and witty, full of smart lines that one can relate to especially if one is of the demographic as depicted on stage. Sure, the humor becomes "blue" in nature at times, but it's more geared toward playfulness that something rather offensive! The cast of players that depict the five, consisting of Taryn Chaifetz as Molly, Darci Dixon as Melanie, Ana Therese Lopez as Charlene, Annamarie Mignini as Camille, and Katie Sikkema as Esther, hold their charm as robust and as the post-modern people that they are. They aren't sappy, but they do know what's going on! Erin Scott is on helm as director of this one-act play that appeals to all!
Also seen within the cast is Joshua Morrison as Jonah, the humble "man servant" that is a modest milquetoast that is ironically, the only male character in this play!
It's been a well known fact that when the girls get together, anything goes--or almost anything anyway! TORRID AFFAIRE is a little comic gem that is short and sweet. In addition, it's naughty yet nice indeed! Oh, yes...it's also for mature audiences only! But you already knew that! (Right?)

TORRID AFFAIRE, presented by Theatre Unleased and performs at The Sherry Theatre, 11052 Magnolia Blvd. (east of Lankershim Blvd), North Hollywood, until March 6th. Showtimes are Friday and Saturday nights @ 8:00 PM. Reservations and information, call (818) 849-4039. Visit the website at http://www.TheaterUnleased.com
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(Vol. 15-No. 8-Week of February 22nd, 2010)