Deciding to Walk, Placing Blame and Saying Thanks

So I want to say upfront that I blame among many things my new galoshes, the book my roommate gave me, Wreck This Journal, an incredible friend, the city of Los Angeles and my best friend for over 11 years for a few sudden but stubborn thoughts in my head. Why do I blame all these things...let's go over the evidence shall we?

Item 1: This incredible friend signed up to do some crazy prove to the world you can run uphill and through obstacles race, now while I don't want to run uphill or prove I'm a Spartan Warrior, it made me want to do something, so I signed up to do The Warrior Dash in April. Yes, I will be one of the crazy people jumping through tires, climbing through a junk yard, wading through mud (and several of you know that I don't like mud). So I blame this friend for making my brain want to do this.

Item 2: In talking with the same friend, I mentioned I was thinking about starting the Couch to 5k running program, he not only encouraged me to do it, but offered to do it with me. So I blame him for what I think has become the start of my actually liking to run. I'm on week 4 and actually really love it. I blame him entirely for this.

Item 3: The City of Los Angeles, okay well maybe not the city itself, perhaps more accurately the weather in the city. How can I not want to go outside and run when it's a beautiful 75 and sunny. So I also blame the weather in the city of LA for forcing me to continue this new running habit.

Item 4: This book, Wreck This Journal, may very well be the bane of my existence at the moment. It's staring at me, mocking me almost, daring me to open it and do one of the instructions on the pages, things like shower with it and place sticky things inside it (I do not like sticky things as a general rule.) the current page told me to make a mess and then clean it up -- I can't decide what kind of mess to make, mainly because I'm afraid it will be too messy (we'll discuss this in another blog entry). So I blame my roommate for giving me this book which is making me do many things I wouldn't normally do and have fun while I'm doing them. I also blame the book and by default my roommate for forcing me look outside of my little box and go on new adventures.

Item 5: My new galoshes, I love my new galoshes, even though I've only been able to wear them once this season since they arrived. I love them for two reasons, the first being obvious, they keep my feet dry in the rain. Second, they are covered in pink ribbons. The pink ribbons, I think I'm blame them too! These galoshes sit in my room, I see them everyday, so in turn I see the pink ribbons everyday. So one night while staring at the ribbons I found myself googling the Susan G. Komen 3 day for a Cure event. I found it, began watching all the videos, reading their information and fast forward 10 days I actually registered for the San Diego Race in November. So I blame my galoshes for the initial idea to google the event and then eventually register for it.

Item 6: Finally I blame my best friend for the past 10 years for asking to join my 3 day team and train with me. I blame her because in doing this she too is helping push me out of my box and into a new journey. The best part is I get to share this adventure with her, but I still blame her a bit!

So there you have it, I believe I have presented significant evidence to prove that my desire to step out of my comfort zone and do things like run, wade through mud, shower with a book and walk 60 miles can be blamed on my new galoshes, the book my roommate gave me, an incredible friend, the city of Los Angeles and my best friend for over 11 years.

Perhaps blame isn't exactly the right word perhaps I should be saying thank you. Thank you for helping me experience so many new things and embark on several amazing journeys in 2011.

Make a Mess, Clean it Up

Those six words, "Make a Mess, Clean it Up" have been bothering me for the past 5 days. They are the next set of instructions in my "Wreck This Journal" project. I did shower with the book. Here are the photos to prove it!



So perhaps I cheated a bit, you'll notice the book is wrapped in two ziplock bags and it was carefully placed in the corner of the shower where very little water lands. Barely following the instructions, perhaps, but that book did take a shower with me so I'm marking that page as complete.

After our shower I was feeling pretty confident about the whole thing so I boldly opened the book to another page and saw the words, "Make a Mess, Clean It Up." Seriously I've been trying to figure this out for the past three days. I really try hard to not purposely make messes. I tried to convince myself a few days ago that making a mess by taking down the Christmas decorations counted but I don't think it does, first I didn't really make a mess when I took them down and second I didn't intentionally make a mess just for the purpose of cleaning it up.

So now I'm left with this instruction to make a mess. I don't know what kind of mess to make, I don't even know where to start. A food mess, a paper mess, a paint mess, a soap mess -- can you make a soap mess? And then once I decide on the type of mess to make I have to actually force myself to make the mess. I may need some assistance with this one. Here's a question if I know I'm going to make a mess can I be proactive about the cleaning up while making the mess? For instance if I wanted to have say a flour fight, would it be alright to cover the floor and counters in wax paper first, to make it easier to clean up later or is that cheating?

So I do need help, please suggestions for making a mess, I'm willing to consider them all and I promise to take photos of the winning mess!

The Monster At The End of the Book

When I was little my mom used to read me a Sesame Street book called The Monster at the End of This Book starring Grover. The whole premise of the book is that Grover really believes there is a monster waiting for him at the end of the book and so as you turn each page he begs you not to turn another page. I think my Wreck My Journal book has a monster at the end of the book and I really don't want to turn the pages.

I did complete the first page, I'm not sure that my name is written illegibly enough. For the backwards instruction I decided on writing it backwards by beginning with the "n" and ending with the "e." I still find myself hoping that was alright. Seriously I have major perfectionist issues don't I? -- You don't really need to answer that I, I think I know the answer. Being completely honest, I'm a bit afraid to open the book again. I suppose the only way to get past that is to do it so I will right now...the second page is a list of instructions 1. Follow the instructions on every page. 2. Order is not important 3.Instructions are open to interpretation. 4. Experiment (work against your better judgment).

Okay so "follow the instructions on every page" I like that, guidelines, things that tell me exactly what to do...except that I get the feeling these instructions are going to tell me to do things I don't want to do.

"Order is not important" even that kind of bothers me. You have to understand that I do many things in order. I even eat in order, yes, I know, I should probably not be admitting this, but I eat one thing at time. On a plate with a few things, say meat, rice and vegetables. I eat the vegetables, then the meat and then the rice and then drink my beverage. Odd I know, but that's what I do. Order is very important...but I can follow this direction.

"Instructions are open to interpretation" now this is where I really start to have issues, if you're going to give me instructions, I'm going to follow them, interpreting them will only make me wonder if I've over analyzed them, not followed them enough or completely re-written them. It makes me nervous.

"Experiment" I didn't do well in Chemistry...

Okay, since order is not important I will open the book once more tonight and find a page..."Take this book in the shower with you" Really, really? Sigh...okay...I'll do it, but I don't think I'm going to like it and I don't think the book is going to like it either...

If there is a monster at the end of the book shouldn't I just stop now...I suppose that would mean I missed the point entirely -- of both the Wreck This Journal project and The Monster at the End of the Book. After all the monster at the end of Grover's book was himself, so does that mean that in a way I am my own monster, holding myself back from doing the odd things the book asks me to do -- I think it does. So first thing tomorrow morning this book and I will taking a shower!

The end 2010

So here it is the end of this fantastically amazing year. I'm not sure I'm ready to say goodbye to 2010. It was a good year for me and for many people I know. I'm sure that 2011 will be good, but sometimes it's hard to jump into something when what you are leaving has been so good. But in less than 28 hours we will be doing just that whether I'm ready to or not. Someone once told me that they way you spend midnight on the turn of a new year is a sign for how the rest of your year will be...I'm not sure if I believe that or not but if it is true it means that the rest of 2011 will find me in large crowds surrounding by many drunk people, but with two of my best friends on the planet. So I guess buying into what I was told that can't be too bad of a way to spend the year. (For those of you wondering where the large crowds of drunken people will be, I'll be spending tomorrow night on the Las Vegas strip.)

Looking ahead there is a lot of good things headed my way in the next year. Theatre Unleashed has some amazing shows on the horizon, I'll be going with one, possibly two shows to the Hollywood Fringe Festival, that yet to be discussed project I keep hinting about will be getting underway and I'm sure there will be things I don't even know about pushing their way into my sights. On a personal note I will also be starting the "Couch to 5K" program with a friend of mine. For some reason at the age of 3cough cough cough I've decided that perhaps challenging myself to do something like run a 5k and perhaps more seems sort of like a fun plan. Ask me if I still feel that way in a couple weeks!

And so I hope whatever holiday you may celebrate this time of year has left you feeling happy, content, relaxed and ready to start another fantastic year.

Have a Happy and Safe New Years!

The Art of Imperfection

So yesterday one of my roommates gave me a book titled Wreck This Journal written by Keri Smith. The entire purpose as stated on the cover is to wreck the book. The second page has a warning that says "During the process of this book you will get dirty. You may find yourself covered in paint, or any other number of foreign substances. You will get wet. You may be asked to do things you question. You may grieve for the perfect state that you found the book in. You may begin to see creative destruction everywhere. You may begin to live more recklessly."

That entire statement scares me. I am a stage manager. By nature we like things organized, completed, tied up in little packages, fixed, in a word perfect or as close to perfect as we can. I am also an only child, now I know that some only children will absolutely disagree with me, but generally an only child also likes things as close to perfect as they can be. I'll admit it I am a bit of a perfectionist. Growing up my toys were never broken, my games and puzzles were never missing pieces, everything had it's place, everything was neat and tidy. So seeing an opening statement like the one above terrifies me. Books are not supposed to be destroyed.

So I took a deep breathe and turned the page only to stumped by the first set of instructions. They seem simple enough, but I soon found myself worrying that I would do them incorrectly. It's my book, can't I complete them anyway I want? Apparently my brain doesn't think so...#1 write your name in white -- first thought, how am I going to write in white and have it be seen? second thought, I could use white out, I don't have white out, I'll have to take it to work tomorrow. Third thought, am I over thinking this, no it says write my name in white. Okay #2 Write your name illegibly... I don't know how to do that. What if I write it and you can read it, then I've failed and it's only step 2 of the first page. Alright so I'll skip that for now and continue to think about how to write my name illegibly. #3 Write your name in tiny letters -- okay now that I can do, but do I write it normally with a capital E and a capital S or all caps or all lower case, dilemma, I went with all caps, but still found myself wondering if that would be alright. #4 Write your name backward -- this is where I stopped, write it backward -- do they mean actually write it backward as in nire or am I suppose to write it normally but start from the right side of the page and work my backward so that it will still spell my name but was written right to left instead of left to write.

At this point I've begun to doubt my success rate for following the directions in this book. I want to complete it I really do, but there is this over powering voice inside my brain telling me to make sure I do it correctly. I think my over achieving, perfection wanting brain is missing the point of the book. I will try again tomorrow, once I figure out the meaning of the writing your name backwards. I'm a bit scared to turn the page. If this page was this difficult the next page probably won't be much easier. It'll be good for me right, destroying the book. I'll let you know how it goes :)

Not Alone

I've talked a lot about my experiences at both the Hollywood and New York Fringe Festivals this past summer. If you've read with any regularity you already know that both festivals were absolutely incredible experiences for me on a personal level. I left them wanting to go back, wanting to do more, wanting to find the next project that would give me that level of motivation and excitement and give me that artistic and creative high. Like I said if you have read my blog you already know all that.

What hit me last night was the lasting impact of these festivals, particularly the Hollywood Fringe Festival (most likely because I live here) had over the entire small theater community. I think many people left Hollywood Fringe feeling the same way I felt, wanting more, wanting to do it again. In many ways it reminded me of summer camp long ago, when after two or three weeks you had made many new friends and when it came time to say goodbye there were promises to write, to keep in touch, to maybe visit each other during school breaks. Rarely did those things ever happen. Sure we saw each other the next summer and picked up where we left off 12 months ago, but the friendships never went farther than summer camp. And so at the end of Hollywood Fringe I found myself wondering what the outcome would be, would people make that effort to stay in touch, to support each other's creative products or would we get lost in our own busy creative worlds, forgetting about the actors, writers, producers we met over the summer, would we be able to go farther than just Fringe?

It's been nearly six months since Hollywood Fringe and what hit me last night (while at a show produced by Coeurage Theater, a company we met at Fringe) was how unlike the summer camp experience Fringe turned out to be. For those who made the effort Hollywood Fringe was the turning point or the connection that many smaller theaters have been looking to find in Los Angeles. It was the moment that many of us realized we are not alone and not only are we not alone, we are not competing with each other, we are allowed to and should be supporting each other. I think many of us realized this is a team effort, we may come from several companies, from all parts of the city, but in order for small theatre in Los Angeles to survive, we need each other.

The organizers of Hollywood Fringe did an amazing job of organizing a festival that brought the Los Angeles theater community together for a little over two weeks last June. It is an incredible testament to them that not only was Hollywood Fringe a successful two week festival, but it succeeded in gathering the small companies in Los Angeles and getting us to talk with each other, to realize we have the same frustrations, the same desires and the same goals and most importantly none of us are alone.

Unlike summer camp those smaller companies have made the effort to stay connected and because of that the Los Angeles small theater scene is becoming stronger. If after only six months scripts are being shared, cross-promotions are being explored and bi-monthly producers meet-ups and breakfasts are planned, I can't wait to see what this community of artists does after a year, two years and then five years of working together.

And I Was Doing So Well

Sigh, I was doing so well for nearly a year, keeping up the blog entries and then I stopped. I think I was waiting for something, I'm still not sure what I'm waiting for, motivation perhaps or maybe inspiration, a spark, I'm really not sure, whatever it is I'm still not quite sure I've found it. Either way I have a lot to catch up on, so forgive the rather unfocused rambling that will occur in the next couple paragraphs.

Things are good. Theatre Unleashed opened 25PPH this weekend. It's a great show, 25 plays all done in an hour (well an hour-ish). Our houses seemed to really like it and I've heard rumors of people quoting certain lines. All good things.

We'll be announcing our next season this week and it's a season I am excited to see move forward. Perhaps more than anything else I'm excited to be putting season three to bed. I'm happy we are leaving it behind with a strong production up and running. Unlike seasons 1 and 2 I feel like the best way to describe this one is with the phrase, "we survived it" and we certainly did, we may have come out a little more bruised than we would have liked, but we learned a lot, we have picked up the pieces, dusted ourselves off, perhaps used some gaff tape or super glue on a few edges and have emerged shiny and stronger than ever. That feels good.

I still have moments when I miss our time in New York. I know that my time in New York was idyllic, I didn't have to work, my expenses were taken care of, it was not real. Knowing that doesn't make me long for it any less at times. There are things I worry I'll eventually forget, things I want to take with me for the rest of my life. And so while they may not make sense to anyone else the following words are words that I hope will be enough to keep these amazing memories alive in my head: pac-man, rain, diner, "Today," The Cherry Pit, and the G train.

I also remembered this week why I rarely take work outside of Theatre Unleashed and how lucky I am to be working with such an incredible group of people. Actors are an interesting group of people. I've discussed my love affair and fondness for them in other blogs, but still their uniqueness continues to astonish me in both good and bad ways. I was reminded that with Theatre Unleashed I know that actors will come to rehearsal ready to work, they will come to have fun, but first and most importantly they are there to work, to rehearse, to be creative, they are there to listen to each other and the director and they are there because they care about the process of creating a show. I was sadly reminded that not all actors think like the actors I have come to know and love in Theatre Unleashed. As I watched this rehearsal that reminded me of all of this I remembered how fortunate I am.

So looking ahead, I'm excited to spend three more weekends with 25PPH. I'm excited to move forward into season 4 and in just a few weeks I should be able to share more about an independent project I'm working on. So maybe I have found my motivation, inspiration, creativity, whatever it was I was looking for, perhaps it's back and ready to go again!