As I mentioned in my last blog I sometimes step out from behind my stage manager/production manager role to do other things. Usually it's producing, but I was given an opportunity to assistant direct our next production, Landscaping The Den of Saints. When the director first asked me I was flattered and terrified. I've always been very careful to define my role in this company as technical not creative. That's not to say I'm not a creative person, it's just that I didn't go to school for acting or directing or playwriting and so I guess I just assumed I wasn't qualified to really do those things. Of course if I'm being completely honest I didn't go to school for stage management either and I guess that's turned out pretty well! And if I think back to being asked to SM for the first time I was clueless and terrified then as well. So I hesitantly agreed to assistant director and SM Landscaping The Den of Saints. Up until this week I had a hard time finding my role as assistant director. I've discovered it's a hard jump to make going between the two jobs. SM is very technical, watch the lines, track the blocking, make prop notes, remember things for everyone. Assistant directing is much more creative, watch the actors, listen to the words, what can be better.
This week, Jake, the director, has given me the first ninety minutes of rehearsal each day. It reminds me of my student teaching experience, the teacher finally gives the student teacher control. It's terrifying, I remember thinking then that I really couldn't believe they were letting me do this. Just like student teaching I discovered I could do it and I really liked it.
I still get nervous, today is day 4 of me getting to direct and I still get butterflies in my stomach and make comments hoping I'm saying the right things, hoping I'm making sense. I think I'm addicted though, I want to do it again...
I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason. The reasons I was asked to try stage managing keep popping up. First it was to grow more confident in myself and try something new. Then it was to meet and become part of an amazing community of friends and artists. Now it's to explore more of my creative side and continue to grow as a stage and production manager. I'm sure there will be more reasons in the future, but for now, I'm content to know these are the reasons and let them take me where I'm supposed to go!